It's a quote from a movie, well I've heard it the first time in a movie (Oldboy, korean movie from the year 2003).
The main character is kidnapped for no apparent reason and kept prisoner in a room with 3 meals per day and a tv and a picture on a wall for many years.
The picture on the wall had this quote on it.
When I saw it the first time I thought it was very deep, yes, people do tend to stick to those of us who they think will bring only laughter in their lives and they also tend to keep off the ones with problems.
People in general, not friends, not family, at least that's the way it should be, I thought when I saw the movie for the first time.
Then years went by and I had both time and occasions to change my mind on the veracity of this quote time and time gain.
Italians tend to be sympathetic, we open our hearts and ears and offer our support and love to those in need.
Sometimes we even go too far, there's no denying that. I mean, compared to the rest of the world we're deemed emotional and the result is that our sympathy is sometimes perceived as invasive, inappropriate.
I agree, especially because I come from the north, where we tend to be more private and even secretive about our own problems, there's a lot of sayings in my region all bringing to the conclusion that it's better to smile even when you're crying inside.
Now, that presents a problem sometimes, since we also tend to not ask for help, but we do expect our loved ones to understand when it's time to give us their love.
Once I tried to explain all that to my australian husband and I realised immediately how abstruse this is.
Why not speaking up and asking directly for what we need? How can we pretend that friends and family understand we need their comfort if all we say is that we're fine and we keep on smiling.
I agree, don't get me wrong, simplicity is always the best thing.
But there is oh so much that I miss about my culture.
Going to a friend's place and communicating your deepest sorrows with a look and being understood and cared for without words.
How ironic, I speak a few languages but sometimes I really detest having to use words.
How can you be expected to explain the sense of loss you're feeling in front of all your worries, from health problems to financial problems to well, everything else.
I miss being able to communicate with gestures.
Telling a friend that I'm really sorry for her loss by squeezing her arm, listening to another friend's doubts about the future and expressing participation by frowning and looking at her intently.
Not having to justify being stressed simply because your friends might not completely know what's going on but they sure know that if they see you like that it means you are not well and you need them.
We will all think of a solution and act on it, we're all responsible adults and behave accordingly without complaining cause that's what our parents told us to do, "get over it and pick yourself up", maybe that's the reason why we do not vocalise our worries, we do not cry in public, we don't proclaim to the world that we 're in trouble, but that doesn't mean we don't need affection like everyone else.
I'm not discussing whether it's right or wrong, I'm just saying it's different.
The main character is kidnapped for no apparent reason and kept prisoner in a room with 3 meals per day and a tv and a picture on a wall for many years.
The picture on the wall had this quote on it.
When I saw it the first time I thought it was very deep, yes, people do tend to stick to those of us who they think will bring only laughter in their lives and they also tend to keep off the ones with problems.
People in general, not friends, not family, at least that's the way it should be, I thought when I saw the movie for the first time.
Then years went by and I had both time and occasions to change my mind on the veracity of this quote time and time gain.
Italians tend to be sympathetic, we open our hearts and ears and offer our support and love to those in need.
Sometimes we even go too far, there's no denying that. I mean, compared to the rest of the world we're deemed emotional and the result is that our sympathy is sometimes perceived as invasive, inappropriate.
I agree, especially because I come from the north, where we tend to be more private and even secretive about our own problems, there's a lot of sayings in my region all bringing to the conclusion that it's better to smile even when you're crying inside.
Now, that presents a problem sometimes, since we also tend to not ask for help, but we do expect our loved ones to understand when it's time to give us their love.
Once I tried to explain all that to my australian husband and I realised immediately how abstruse this is.
Why not speaking up and asking directly for what we need? How can we pretend that friends and family understand we need their comfort if all we say is that we're fine and we keep on smiling.
I agree, don't get me wrong, simplicity is always the best thing.
But there is oh so much that I miss about my culture.
Going to a friend's place and communicating your deepest sorrows with a look and being understood and cared for without words.
How ironic, I speak a few languages but sometimes I really detest having to use words.
How can you be expected to explain the sense of loss you're feeling in front of all your worries, from health problems to financial problems to well, everything else.
I miss being able to communicate with gestures.
Telling a friend that I'm really sorry for her loss by squeezing her arm, listening to another friend's doubts about the future and expressing participation by frowning and looking at her intently.
Not having to justify being stressed simply because your friends might not completely know what's going on but they sure know that if they see you like that it means you are not well and you need them.
We will all think of a solution and act on it, we're all responsible adults and behave accordingly without complaining cause that's what our parents told us to do, "get over it and pick yourself up", maybe that's the reason why we do not vocalise our worries, we do not cry in public, we don't proclaim to the world that we 're in trouble, but that doesn't mean we don't need affection like everyone else.
I'm not discussing whether it's right or wrong, I'm just saying it's different.
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