When you see your first Red-back spider...

....you can't go back.
But let me start since the beginning.
Many years ago I was meant to come to Australia with a friend of mines, who also loves to travel.
Her idea was to travel the country by bus, a sort of a hop-on hop-off kind of tour, for at least 4 weeks.
We were going to uni back then and holidays were not so much a problem of time as they were a problem of money.
We looked into it and we saw that if we lived like Ghandi for a whole year we could have afforded the flights and then once there we would have managed.
I have to say the idea was exciting, we had never been that far and it would have represented a big leap for the both of us.
But then we didn't go. And one of the main reasons was that one night my friend watched a doco about spiders in Australia. That did it for her.
She is absolutely terrified by spiders. She is so scared that no matter where she goes she always finds them.
She finds them in the most remote places, places where no human would normally look into, but for her it's like she hears them calling.
Imagine a teeny tiny spider, the size of an ant (and not an army ant either, just a baby ant... or is there such a thing as a baby ant? well, anyway, you get the picture), hidden in the most remote corner of the most secluded room of a house where you go on vacation for not more than 4 days in a year (when you don't even bother to unpack because by the time you'll be finished you'd have to go again).
Well, she finds it.
She doesn't look for it.
She just finds it, one second she's opening the door and putting down the suitcase, the second after she's pointing at the teeny tiny thing asking me to get rid of it.
When I travel with her I don't have to worry about checking out the places we go to, 'cause if there's a spider she'll find it right away.
It's a bit like travelling through the jungle with the famous "sweet-blood" friend everyone has that gets all the mozzie bites so that you don't get bitten.
Anyway, she watched this doco on spiders, where they were showing how common venomous spiders are in Australia, and that they can be found anywhere, especially in summer and that you cannot expect not to see a spider when you get there unless you walk around blindfolded.
Ok granted they were a bit exaggerating, I remember that they showed a mortal Red-back hanging from the pergola of a house in a suburban area. There was a housewife just below the web acting as if she couldn't see the spider. I found it not very plausible since she had at least to notice the big camera pointing at her and the strobe light just a few inches above her head, but I think the whole point was to show that these kind of spiders are so common that Australians are known to live their lives as if they didn't worry about living in the most dangerous country in the world (talking about snakes and spiders and other venomous and potentially mortal creatures).
Years afterwards, when confronted with the possibility of following Steve into his home country I thought the worst thing that could happen related to spiders was that my friend would have never come to visit (and truth be told she hasn't so far, although for different reasons, even though I figure the moment she'd step into this country she would spot a spider on the airport tarmac).
When interrogated on the subject an exasperated Steve said:" There ARE no spiders, there ARE no spiders, in my whole life I might have seen a dozen Funnel-web spiders.... tops!" You see, that's the thing that scares me the most, the fact that he felt like he had to add "tops" at the end of that already illogical sentence.
But feelings proved to be stronger than fears and three years on here I am, and the only spiders I have seen are the ones at the zoo or at the museum of natural history.
Up until today that is.
Yes, because this afternoon I was playing with my cats in the backyard, or rather trying to make the look of boredom in their eyes a little less permanent by entertaining them with a string.
When I saw the top part of of their scratch-post capsized on the garden.
I took it and put it back straight down.
And then I noticed a spider running for cover on the top of it.
It looked slightly bigger than the average garden spider so I looked closely and I immediately knew I was in front of a Red-back. How? Er... it's a got a red stripe on its back.
There you have it. I cannot pretend I live in a safe place anymore.
Until today I could laugh nervously at the stories I hear from time to time about people finding spiders and snakes in their gardens, thinking "this won't happen to you, you're safe, your place doesn't have any spiders, they just live in your neighbours' places but as soon as they get close to yours there's a magical spell that pushes them gently away and they know they cannot get in.".
ahahah, did I mention the nervous laughter?
Well, no going back now, I saw it.
As a matter of fact I even took pictures of it.
And in order to do that I had to get quite close, even closer that what Steve would have wanted me to, since on the phone he said he would have dealt with it when he'd got back home but he told me not to get too close.
The fact is that this thing is very small.
Seriously, MUCH smaller than our poor italian perfectly harmless garden spiders.
And they're kind of cute too.
They are black and their abdomen is rather swollen with a bright red stripe on it.
The whole thing is not bigger than my thumb.
See, that's how they get you, you don't take them seriously and when they bite you you think it's a minor bite and don't even pay attention to it.
But it can be fatal!
I've done my research, on internet and on a book I bought about venomous creatures of Australia and it says that sometimes the venom can take days to take its course but that in severe cases it can provoke paralysis and even death!
The good news is they created an anti-venom and that you have plenty of time to go to a hospital before you can be considered in danger.
Still.
You see, being italian means you grow up with a lot of things in your garden, but as gross as they can sometimes be they will never kill you.
The closest you can go is the viper in the mountains and god knows I've seen my share of those when I was trekking, but we were told how to deal with them and I've learnt to fear and respect snakes. That's why I wasn't so shocked when I found a Red-belly Black Snake just outside my window watching my tv (I asked him if he wanted me to change channel and then I took a photo of him, what is it with me and taking photos anyway??? can't I just run like every sane human being would do?).
Anyway, what I mean is that for me to feel that something can kill me it has to be at least as big as my hand.... like the killer spiders in the movies, you know, BIG! Not that I ever want to see one that big, for goodness' sake, if the internet tells me that a spider as big as my thumb can kill me that's more than enough to keep me away... after a photo shoot of course.
Well, after checking that my cats couldn't get close to it I just gave up and got inside to write this, waiting for Steve to come home, and then I will have something else to worry about since like every Australian I know, Steve is fully aware of the dangers represented by these venomous creatures but he still goes around bare footed and he will probably not want to kill it but gently pick it up and put into our neighbours' gardens... "There ARE no spiders, there ARE no spiders...".

Another one bites the dust!

A few months ago I lost a friend to one of those so called "religious communities" very rare and rightly feared a few years ago but now surprisingly common and apparently harmless in Italy.
They claim the end is nigh and that only a few adepts will be saved from armageddon.
It is extremely difficult to be amongst the saved souls BUT if you give us all your money we'll try and see what we can do.
Sounds so ridiculous that no one will ever buy it surely? Wrong!
In a world reduced to its knees by 2 global financial crisis, natural disasters, negative feelings deriving from a few doomtalkers and a future that has nothing to be expected from, the victims of these sects are scaringly high in numbers.
They like to recruit among the hopeless, the ones that lost everything or almost everything, the ones that have been treated harshly by life. You're divorced? Lost your job, your home, your family, your friends, you've got a drug problem, money problem, girlfriend problems? We're there for you! Sure you're a loser but we don't mind, as a matter of fact we think you're a special loser and we'd like to help you find your own special way to wipe off your own will and obey blindly to our leader.
Don't get me wrong, the package doesn't scream "scam" as loudly as this, there would be far less people interested if it did.... or at least I like to think so.
The thing is that after so many years of "self-improvement" techniques, "trust-yourself" seminars, "learn how to make a profitable business" speeches and "how to be a thin, blonde, rich and healthy stud" retreats, it's stupidly easy to find a "new" recipe for a charismatic new religion.
It is so well known that there's actually books on how to set it all up with a limited budget! I kid you not, it's a sort of "DIY sect".
According to these books, people on the edge of despair are already looking for someone to get ahold of their unstable lives and start telling them what to do.
All you have to do is milk them before they run out of money, or alternatively concede loans that can only be repaid by working for you at predictably low wages.
It only takes 4 days to hook them completely!
Have them pay a considerable  not-refundable sum at time of booking so that they won't back out.
Invite them for a workshop of 4 days completely secluded from the rest of the world in a far off location where they won't have access to any kind of social network, media or news.
And then the brainwash begins!
On day 1 make them feel as if they can trust you, you're their friend, you're way better than them, no one is denying that, but you don't mind sharing your meals with stinking losers like them, get to know them, be charming and beautiful as much as possible so that they will accept that whatever comes from your mouth must be true 'cause you're so shiny and sure of yourself!
On day 2 first you make them wake up at an unreasonably early hour, you force them to exhaust themselves physically in a way that can only be seen in an army movie, then you take away any nutrition by forbidding them to eat anything more energetic than tofu, then when they're drained out of any energy you start asking them to relive a number of very depressing experiences and share them with the others.
Promote high levels of emotionality by encouraging them to cry their eyes out and have absolutely no shame in front of the others, 'cause you know, they're all losers anyway...
On day 3 before they start collapsing by fatigue and emotional distress you show them how successful YOU are. They can't even lift their arm to take a sip from their water bottle? You do a short hip hop dance on the stage with the music at full blast, you look tanned, thin, healthy, you wear designer clothes and have expensive accessories like 600$ fountain pens or 3000 $ laptops, you look professional and always in charge.
You tell them that you're a god, no one is better than you and that it's impossible to be like you 'cause you're oh so cool!
At this point if they still have any trust left in their own resources you wipe it off using their own emotions, telling them that it's their fault their wives left them, it's their fault they have nothing, it's their fault they're such complete losers because they're useless and their lives are pointless.
This is the right moment to offer them a magic solution that no one ever thought about before and that if they really apply themselves and follow all the seminars and courses until the end they MIGHT, and I repeat, the might just save their souls, maybe, but there's no guarantee!
At this point they will beg you to tell them, to show them the way.
On day 4 you apply "the technique", you can call it the method, the way, the truth, whatever.
It's mostly an extremely vague exercise during which you"cure" them from a "disorder" you conveniently told them they have, most of the time it's a phobia, 9 out of 10 it's arachnophobia (fear of spiders), why? "cause it's so common to be at least grossed out by a chubby hairy spider that everyone is likely to relate to the results of the exercise.
You pick the weakest and most emotional person in the group, almost always a woman, who is more likely to admit she is afraid of spiders than a man.
You single her out by having her sit on a chair in the middle of the stage with lights pointed on her.
At this point you tell her she has nothing to fear 'cause the exercise is going to work, you have no doubt about that 'cause she has been listening to what you said in the past 3 days and you know that she wants to change her life forever and be happy, right? This way you put her under such a huge pressure that she's willing to do anything for you.
Then you created the "ambience", a trance-like atmosphere that will help the group form a sort of a collective bond and you apply the "technique". Now, this is supposed to vary from group to group and it's normally fished out from well known cognitive-behavioural therapies with some interactions with oriental philosophy and high tech special effects.
It doesn't really matter what you do, if you want to be original be original, be simple, be elaborated, the important thing is that it needs to be something only you can do properly and no one is to try and do that at home cause it can very dangerous when done by someone who's not passed the 7th level course (and paid 200.000 dollars for it).
At the end... oh it's a miracle!!! The subject is not scared of spiders anymore!!! Your look of approval is also very important, you have to show them that it CAN be done, it's just very very difficult and they really need to stick to you for a while.
When they're all relieved and hooked you tell them there's nothing to laugh about cause there's been some very bad experiences with people who did not believe enough! But surely it's not their case is it?
Now, you would love to show them something else but time is running out and they have to go back home to their sad and bleak lives, where there's no hip hop dances, no loud music, no hugs when they cry, no love, no understanding.... or would they want to sign up for another course maybe? Yes? That would be 15000 $ thank you!
Trust me, I'm not making this ridiculous on purpose, this is exactly what happened to another friend of mines recently.
Yep, another victim! I sat there listening to her blabber about how she felt cured and full of energy and how she always made mistakes in her life and that's why she had so many bad things happening to her but the power of the mind is limitless and now she has found someone who is teaching her how to use it.
She just had to pay 14000 dollars for it. And she hasn't finished yet, she can't wait to go to another course and learn something new!
What was I supposed to tell her?
That she was being brainwashed?
I tried to do that with my other friend, the one I lost a few months ago and the result was that she cut me off of her life. Because you see, the trick is that during these seminars they warn you against skeptical people like me! And they instruct you to cut them off in order not to be distracted from your ultimate task which is hand over all your money.... ehm... no sorry, CURE yourself and achieve happiness!
So I just sat there listening.
After all who am I to say that these things don't work? Maybe on a subconscious level she knows it's all b.s. but she needs it to pick herself up.
I just hope she will do so before she will owe them too much to be able to back off.

If you live so far away...

.... you're doomed to a life of goodbyes. Goodbye to your hubby when you leave home to fly to your old home. Goodbye to your friends and dad when you're leaving old home to go back to new home.
8 flights in just over 2 weeks, 4 nights in hotels and many many MANY hours sitting in an incredibly small seat in a flying tin box.
I've got to laugh when I think about my doc telling me not to stress and above all not to exhaust myself by lifting heavy weighs or not resting enough. ahahaha... he should see me now, with 1 trolley, 1 huge backpack and 1 disappointingly big purse (so big that the hostess at the check in was actually considering if I could take it with me or not).
No wonder my heart is struggling, a tear every time I leave.
But then again, it was my choice.
So I will stop whinging now and start b!tch!ng.
Yes, cause I think it's unbelievable that in the year 2011, that is 5 years after they introduced the rules forbidding to take liquids such as bottles of water in the plane, there's still people who feigns not knowing that and they try and smuggle in bottles of wine, olive oil, water, I've even seen a fabric softener...!!!!!! What on earth do they need fabric softener for??? In an airplane??? Do they want to wash up some clothes between a movie and a snooze??? No, seriously, don't they have fabric softener in their countries? It is so weird that I really start thinking they have explosives in there!
Anyway, the apparently soft but ultimately very strict surveillance at the gate finds the bottles, confiscates them and try and avoid an argument with the above mentioned family feigning ignorance.
And the rest of the airport waits for them. Patiently... some... yelling... some others.
I'm not yelling but I am starting to mumble loudly.
You cannot take a full bottle of fabric softener with you on the plane mate!!! Get over it!!!!!!!!!
They finally cave with everyone's relief and the queue starts moving again.
But we're all jittery now, will there be other einsteins before we can finally go through the gates and dedicate ourselves to our most beloved activity, window shopping?
Luckily there's only average joe bloggs in front of me and in 10 minutes I'm already sitting at the bar and sipping an orange juice, waiting for boarding to begin.
No window shopping this time, too many heavy bags to drag around.
Well, maybe i could just pop in that shop over there, it's not too far ;-) 

Laugh and the world will laugh with you, cry and you'll cry alone

It's a quote from a movie, well I've heard it the first time in a movie (Oldboy, korean movie from the year 2003).
The main character is kidnapped for no apparent reason and kept prisoner in a room with 3 meals per day and a tv and a picture on a wall for many years.
The picture on the wall had this quote on it.
When I saw it the first time I thought it was very deep, yes, people do tend to stick to those of us who they think will bring only laughter in their lives and they also tend to keep off the ones with problems.
People in general, not friends, not family, at least that's the way it should be, I thought when I saw the movie for the first time.
Then years went by and I had both time and occasions to change my mind on the veracity of this quote time and time gain.
Italians tend to be sympathetic, we open our hearts and ears and offer our support and love to those in need.
Sometimes we even go too far, there's no denying that. I mean, compared to the rest of the world we're deemed emotional and the result is that our sympathy is sometimes perceived as invasive, inappropriate.
I agree, especially because I come from the north, where we tend to be more private and even secretive about our own problems, there's a lot of sayings in my region all bringing to the conclusion that it's better to smile even when you're crying inside.
Now, that presents a problem sometimes, since we also tend to not ask for help, but we do expect our loved ones to understand when it's time to give us their love.
Once I tried to explain all that to my australian husband and I realised immediately how abstruse this is.
Why not speaking up and asking directly for what we need? How can we pretend that friends and family understand we need their comfort if all we say is that we're fine and we keep on smiling.
I agree, don't get me wrong, simplicity is always the best thing.
But there is oh so much that I miss about my culture.
Going to a friend's place and communicating your deepest sorrows with a look and being understood and cared for without words.
How ironic, I speak a few languages but sometimes I really detest having to use words.
How can you be expected to explain the sense of loss you're feeling in front of all your worries, from health problems to financial problems to well, everything else.
I miss being able to communicate with gestures.
Telling a friend that I'm really sorry for her loss by squeezing her arm, listening to another friend's doubts about the future and expressing participation by frowning and looking at her intently.
Not having to justify being stressed simply because your friends might not completely know what's going on but they sure know that if they see you like that it means you are not well and you need them.
We will all think of a solution and act on it, we're all responsible adults and behave accordingly without complaining cause that's what our parents told us to do, "get over it and pick yourself up", maybe that's the reason why we do not vocalise our worries, we do not cry in public, we don't proclaim to the world that we 're in trouble, but that doesn't mean we don't need affection like everyone else.
I'm not discussing whether it's right or wrong, I'm just saying it's different.

do the banks know the money belongs to us?????

As a catholic born and raised I tend to feel guilty for whatever reason.
Being a traveller with a fairly open mind I try to question everything they tell me.
Being exhausted by the recent events and by this heart condition I speak up when I see an abuse.
Do the banks know that they do NOT own our money????
I tried to make a transfer to an overseas account and I was told by a very lazy clerk that it would have been very difficult.
No other explanation was offered, and since she thought that what she said would have made me change my mind she turned back to the extremely productive job of filing her nails.
Now, don't try me when I'm tired and cranky cause I can swear in 10 languages!
It's my money, not yours and if I want to give it all to charity I can! Heck I can even chuck it down the drain if I want, wouldn't be a pretty sight, but it would certainly make a point!
Since I don't move and I stare at her nails showing that I have all the time in the world, she finally raises her head again and looks at me with a quizzical expression.
I repeat my request, this time without a question mark at the end.
She rolls her eyes and turns to her colleague, also very busy.
After a short exchange of opinions they inform me that there's this new law that says that for certain transfers you need the permission of the bank supervisor (or something like that), and this guy is obviously on holidays.
oh boy am I getting pissed!
1. I ask for the written info of this new law
2. I demand to see the supervisor's supervisor
3. I make clear that I won't leave without my money
Silence, they realise that my eyes have gone a bright red and they emanate laser beams.
To cut a long story short I did get what I wanted, but once again I had to get unpleasant and I really do not like that.
I wonder what's got into them to think they can just withhold your money like that!!

"There's an angel...

... 'cos I've been told that salvation lets their wings unfold".
I believe that there's an angel protecting each one of us, I'm not a religious person but I think of angels as of beings, sometimes human and alive among us, sometimes our beloved ones that are not there anymore.
I believe that love does not die with us and its form still lingers on around us and does its best to protect us from harm.
Granted, my angel sometimes needs a wake up call! Drriiiiiiing! Angeeeel? Are you there???? 'cos I need some help right now you know!
I don't usually ask for help to people, but I'm not ashamed of asking for help to my angel.
I believe they're to be found in that advise from a stranger that suddenly showed me the right way or the loving words of a friend that lifted up my spirits, or that ray of light that brought back hope.
I believe that behind every selfless act of love and care there's an angel looking out for us.
I ask myself where I would be if I hadn't received that extra, completely unexpected help I could count on in many difficult situation I've been through.
I kid myself thinking that I've made it all thanks to my own strength and determination, the truth is we're all lost sometimes and we need comfort.
I like to think that my mum is somewhere up there looking at me and wondering "How can I help her this time?", although it might sound like a romantic idea at best or even a childish one, there's no limit to what you can do when you feel sheltered.
Many cultures affirm the existence of angels even though they might call them in different ways, I'm keen to recognise bodhisatvas as "human" angels for example. Their only goal on earth is to help us out, who can say that they do not exist? Who can honestly say they've never been helped by a kind stranger? And in a totally unexpected way that was just what they needed right then. No hidden agenda, no asking for something back, what can this be if not pure love? And I'm not talking "being nice to me at the office" acts of love, I'm talking "saving my life" acts of love or said in a more sophisticated way, acts that changed the course of events in such a way that we avoided a tragic outcome.
Anyway, I don't know if there's many of us believers around, what I do know is that mine is here with me and it's doing double shifts trying to protect me!

From Venice airport.. oh the humanity!

Crowded as I've never seen it! Seriously, I've been flying in and out of this airport since 1990 and in 21 I've never seen so much people dragging suitcases around walking aimlessly to look at the shops and trying to buy the very last souvenir before going home.
If they even try and say that Venice has had no tourists this year because of the GFC I'd like to invite them to take a flight today...good luck!
It must be because last week was officially the last week of holidays in europe but nonetheless I would have expected the crowds on saturday and sunday, not on a monday afternoon!
Anyway, I'm here, waiting to board, still a bit shaken by the pushing and shoving.
The security check is practically nil, well, if you think about the passport it is actually nil, since I've done the check in online, I've printed the boarding pass at the machines in the airport hall, and I've passed the electronic gate showing only the ticket, no passport.
I could have been travelling just as easily with someone else's ticket, unless they're going to do a proper check at the boarding.
The number of people shopping hard is unbelievable, where do they find the money for a 16.000 euros ring????? And I've seen them buying it, really, my word! And it wasn't even that beautiful! Full of diamonds, yes, but a bit kitsch for my taste.
Simplicity is elegance, if you want to buy something eccentric you have to remember that for that price you'll have to wear it for the rest of your life, do you really want to wear a huge flower shaped diamond ring for the rest of your life? I wouldn't.
That's why I opted for a smaller one!!! ahahahah!!!! no, I didn't buy it, but when you're in the middle of a splurging crowd you can't help but feel left out if you don't contribute at least a little bit!
Maybe that's a new marketing strategy, make people feel like they belong only if they participate to the shopping.
Anyway the ring I saw is very simple yet elegant and not at all that expensive considering that it's got 3 diamonds.... listen to me!!! What am I saying??? Geez, this place is dangerous!!!
I travel light, sleep in hostels to save some dollars and then I spend them on a ring????
Have I gone Italian again?
Next thing I know, I'll get myself a lypo and a spraytan...
Ok, let's calm down and read a bit, that will help me to level up!